How do you define when you have had sex? Why am I asking? Because we all have different ways to classify what having sex is. Why is this important to me?

It’s because I have often been asked when I lost my virginity and before I answer I always have to ask for questioner for their definition of having sex. Their definition shapes the answer I give.

You might be thinking that I must know when I had sex for the first time but the first three times I had sex I didn’t cum. I got hard, I penetrated the the vagina with my penis but I didn’t cum. We just stopped because we were interrupted or whatever.

The first two occasions happened when I was 10 and the girl in question was 15. I don’t know what was going through her mind at the time but she chose to take me to bed on two different occasions. Both times I was a willing participant and I’ll detail the story in a future post.

The third time I had sex was when I was 13 and so was the girl in question. Once again it was her idea but it was more of a fleeting thing than in the first two occasions.

What would the law say? Well, in all three occasions what we did would be enough to be classed as rape or as paedophilia if it were that type of scenario. If it was a divorce court they would be enough to prove an act of being unfaithful because penetration occurred and there was ‘in and out’ action going on.

So, why would there be a question mark hanging over if I lost my virginity? Quite simply, because I didn’t cum. That seems to be the important part of a male losing his virginity.

For the record, the first time I had sex and came was when I was 16. That is a pretty cut and dry situation with no ambiguity at all.

To cum or not to cum

Let me ask you this question. How do you define how many times you’ve had sex in a night?

Again, it is a question that can be difficult to answer. Is it by how many times a guy cums? How many times a woman cums? What if neither of you cum, is it sex? Of course it is because of the legal implications I detailed earlier.

Society seems to be geared towards classing sexual activity by how many times a guy cums. Why? That seems a little fucked up, doesn’t it?

So what if after pulling out of a girl the guys wanks himself off to climax? This can just get really complicated and that isn’t the point of this post. The question I want to ask is…

What is sex?

We all have sex differently. I class a blow job as sex, Bill Clinton doesn’t. I class anal as sex, Catholics don’t. So if a girl sucks my cock for 20 minutes and we stop before I cum, is it sex?

Does someone have to cum in order for a sexual act to be classified as sex? It would seem so!

Don’t get me wrong, I think all this ‘I had sex 3 times last night’ bragging is bullshit and I prefer think of sex as a period of time rather than a number of orgasms. I don’t always cum when I have sex, through choice, so why should the time I spend doing what I enjoy become invalid because it misses 20 seconds of muscle spasms?

For me, and many other men, it is about the journey rather than the destination.The climax is something of an anti-climax. I get more out of having sex than cuming. I can feel the same high by having sex without the need to make a donation of my DNA at the end.

So in this day when women are sexually equal to men I feel we need to change the way we classify having sex. A woman may not cum, a man may not cum but it is still sex!

However, penetration isn’t enough either. So how can we know when we’ve had sex? Does it really matter? Maybe we need to look at our attitude towards sex generally and not count how many times we are doing it?